Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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