come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
