So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
