They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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