im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
