I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
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My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Randomize