i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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