so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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