Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
