ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I am naked and annoyed.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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