apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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