haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
