I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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