Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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