i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
