Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
