where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
