well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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