pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Someone shattered a urinal.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
