If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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