Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
