Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
