apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Congratulations! We have a period
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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