Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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