I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Randomize
