we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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