I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
whose parrot is this?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
