quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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