Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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