I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
