i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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