You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
