i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
