1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
