dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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