after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
