we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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