thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
