Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.