Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....