I'm gonna have a badass scar
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"