do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
