I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"