Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail