Plan B is the new Plan A
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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