If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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