You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
