You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
