We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
