remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
