Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Dicks are not precious.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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