It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
