Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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