you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
