If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize