Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
