so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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