So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
