I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize