Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
