1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
