remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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