Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
All I want is dick and wine.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
