Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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